Just Dance.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

the following bit comes from my diary. its the truth and only the truth. im not trying to seek sympathy or wadever shit. im just blogging for the heck of it- but please heed my advice and leave if you cant take long entries-

I hate my current life. ive always thought myself as. Special. not the so-called normal teens you'll see on the streets. But come to think of it,im just a typical emo teen who hates life. hates herself. hates school. Hates everything. =/
Silently i weep- nobody but myself ever knows about it. Weeping,silently,while walking in the rain. in the toilet. in the bath. on my bed. my tears simply go with the rain,with the tapwater. or end up on the toilet floor,my bed,where it dries up eventually and still,no one knows of my agony. x(

Im writing this that,once again,i might look at it 5-10 years later and laugh at myself for being silly. or maybe..5-10 years later,I wont be here anymore.
this is to mom:
mummy,i know i have always been a naughty girl. ive tried,being a good girl. But. it just simply didnt work. i know ive disappointed you time and again,it is not my will for these to turn out like dat. I too,wanna be lk dum & be a girl you can be proud of. But i cant. I'm sorry mummy. i love you.
this is to dum:
dum,you have been a great sister. i could never ask for more. I'll treasure all the times we've had. the great bonding times at the ps1,at sims and sims2. of cus,not forgetting the times at the piano. I'm sorry for all the quarrels we've ever had. I hope ive been a good sister as well. i love you.
to my dearest sotong pai:
tong,having been in the same class for 2years now,we've been thru ups,and downs. Quarrels and patching up again. youve brought me a great friend,xinyi and of cus,you. (: I appreciate all that youve ever done for me. Thanks so much for being my friend.
huiying. I dont always agree with you,but we got along just fine. Thanks for all your words of encouragement,your lameness,your everything. A heartfelt thanks to you,for being such a great friend.
tang. thanks for all the entertainment these years. (: I used to hate you so at the beginning of sec1. stop being so loud,my dear. (: thanks for being there whenever i needed you. Thanks for everything.
Jolene. i might not agree with you on the take of some things,but you're still my most beloved partner. (: having you around for these 3years,youve been a wonderful friend. (: defenders always. (: hahs- thanks for everything. reali. (:
To my dearest e5 sec4s:
gua2~ youve been great. (: at the very least,being there for me whenever i needed you. to your hse to slack,or for gym. accompanying me to bugis,and wherever else. Your lameness,your suan-ing skills will never be forgotten. =) Thanks for being you-
diot! ths ever-mad fella. talking about everything. esp.those regarding sex. hahs- youve been wonderful. Reali. for being my crap partner where we talked about anything and everything. For accompanying me for studying even when your exams had just passed. Thanks for bringing the stupid pancake & redbean into my life. thanks for everything. Thankyou,for being ZhangJinShu. (:
suwei! hahs- i dont talk much to you,but. thanks for your words of encouragement whenever i was feeling so helpless. Thanks for being so chatty. =) Its nice to have someone to talk to. Thanks,so much.
ponpon! hahas. you'll go back to thailand soon. we'll all miss you. Thank you,for being ever so cute,so blur,so..you. (: Thankyou,for stepping into my life.
To Ongxinyi,my zhutou laoma:
Thanks,SO much,for being my best neo-mate. For being the one to talk about all the ppl we talk about. (: For being there whenever I needed you. For being my glimmer of light whenever i was surrounded by darkness. My gratitude to you is more than words. Thanks for everything. Most importantly,thanks for ever stepping into my life-
To laufun:
Thanks for being my best-est primary sch mate. and for all the gatherings we've had. (: love ya-
To my 3e4 mates:
To evon,thanks for being such a great talking mate. Thanks for being my friend these 3years. Thanks for letting me feel im not alone. Thanks so much.
Shujuan. thanks for being such a nice friend. for your words of encouragement,your cute actions. Thanks for everything.
Qijie. Thankyou so much my fishy friend,for ever stepping into my life-
To Meiyun,Stephanie and Joanne,for being part of my life,i thankyou.
to yanhao,thanks for being such a lamer. hurhurs* and for believing in miracles. (:
to imran,for being who you are. For being monitor for the past year. For letting me bully you. A heartfelt thanks.
to haisf,thanks for being the boy. hahs- and for bringing laughter into my life.
to zhixiang,zhaokai,jsen and saddiq. Thanks to you for ever stepping into my life.
To my 2e1 mates:
Thanks for making 2e1 such a success. =)
To MdmTeo,MissGoh,MissSim
thanks for ever coming into my life. For all your words and gestures of encouragement. A heartfelt thanks to all of you.
To Miss Annie Sim:
Thanks SO much,for making my childhood education such a success.
To my dearest baichi,Sili:
Thanks for being who you are. And for being such a great friend. (:
To Jialing,Kathleen,Shiwen & dawn.
Thankyou all for being who you are. (: my ahma,for all your encouragements. my grandaunty,for being so sweet. my stinkypoo. for being you. Dawn,for letting me know you.
To my tinkywinky,dipsy,po & nono. chingkee,binghua,laufun & jieshen.
For ever being part of my life. For bringing much joy into my life during the primary5 days. and esp.to binghua,for being ever so helpful during gatherings.
To MissSusanSng:
For being who you are. For being such a great person. For ever coming into my life,I thankyou for all of these.
To 6/5 2002:
Thanks for being who you are. Thanks for being such a great class with great personalities. (:
To Benjamin Lok Ke Ming:
Thanks for letting me have my first tast of love. Even if it might be puppy love,thankyou for it.
To 1e1 2003:
For letting my have a first taste of class unity during captain ball games.
To esnb 2005-06
I'm sorry i couldnt make it pass. I'll try. But i cant promise. I'm sorry for letting all of you down. But i thankyou,for ever being one of the most important aspects of my life.

I've still got sosososososo many others to thanks. MrTeo,MrsTng,MrsTan, MdmChong,ruizhen,muying,my family etc. But not now.
................

dats all im giving. but wells. all this was written on the 25th october 2005, 2.40am. i ges it has all changed. but i stand by wad i have said. i thank everyone,for having been part of my life. yes,even ppl lk jeslyn,i thankyou for having been here. letting me have new experiences all the time. im sorry to esnb if i choose to give up. it has been real tough deciding to hold on. but that was cus i had something,or rather,some ppl dat i had faith in. this little incident,shows me i was WRONG. utterly wrong. i'l push on,but no promises.
i dont deny dat,i might haf been thinking about suicide lars. hurhurs* but wells- take it dat im dumb. silly. boliao. or even,as a said,just a emo teen. wadever*
i have nothing much to sae,onli dat,if 2years+ of friendship loses out to a mere mebbe.8mths? of friendship,den i have NOTHING more to sae. by all means,go ahead. im sorry i ever stepped into your life. im sorry i ever appeared. im sorry i am jane chia.

jane-