Saturday, October 20, 2007
- swam and exercised at delyn's a couple days back. finally exercised after a looonnnng time.- been studying till late nights.enjoying the company, but hating the subject.- haven't been doing much of HCL.i hope my knowledge is sufficient. =/- looking forward to end of exams.know i'll have to work like crazy, but dreading it. T.T- officially 1 week and a day to the 29th.my friggin paper 1. i can hardly wait. -.-"OFFICIALLY ON HIATUS. for 1 week. HAHA. so funny. T.T
love,jane-
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
http://mybestfriends.com.sg/vote.php?piccode=1a46be5e42677b791940e536d4870bf457306b61
to whoever's reading this, vote for me vote for me vote for me pretty pleaseeeee! =D
oh, remember to verify it, cause its not counted otherwise. =/i've finally uploaded all those long overdue photos. the ones from prine's birthday, shanghai seduction, and the family outing. am not posting those. yet. its really not a very smart move to decide to upload a whole chunk of photos at 3.25am in the morning. especially when you have tuition in a few hours. recent updates, i've been out to celebrate perrine and meiyun's 17th birthdays. been to a 1920s Shanghai themed party to stand around. basically not really studying much the whole of last week, and starting to feel effing guilty about it this week, but feeling lost. really lost.i dont deny that there's been progress in my maths. slowly, but surely. but whats the point when the stupid exams are just bloody 2 weeks away. im effing stressed up now. i know im not allowed to play anymore. i know i've gotta sit down and effing study. BUT. my mind just wanders off. the temptations are all over the place. i still cant do those stupid questions, which leads me to giving up. im still afraid of those stupid questions!
its like, i see a pythagoras theorem question, and i immediately switch off, thinking: "damn, its toacahsoh, i dont know it." or i see a question with many different letters and numbers, i think:"shit, so complicated, confirm dont know." and i just go on to the next question without even attempting. im trying to change this now. but at this point of time, i really think its a lil too late. im starting to worry. to stress about whats gonna happen next. about where im gonna go. im starting to think Shatec, Laselle, and to some extent, even though i really dont want to, Nafa. i dont wanna go to an ITE cause i know i wont excel there. look what happened when i went to a less-than-expected secondary school. when i ended up from the 1st class to last class. i won't do well. i'll just give up with the class. i've not been doing well, and i really want this to change. i really want to get into the chinese studies course. else mass comm. else the law course. but i just cant help but think, whats gonna happen if i dont pass my maths? im counting on DAE. but seriously, after applying consectively for 3 times, and not getting it, do i really think i can count on DAE as much? i dont know. i really dont. can i really dont take exams, please?theres this wetseal spree, ELF spree, and forever21 spree on this website. and i cant even be bothered to look. its the stress and the lack of moolah. im losin it. =/jane-fall down 7 times, stand up 8. but i really dont have that many chances.Labels: I'm. NOT. strong. enough
Thursday, October 11, 2007
that was a very long line of neos. i was just clearing out my wallet to put the stuff into my new wallet (!!XD) when i decided that it was rather difficult to stuff my neoprints into the lil box i keep them in, so i decided to just take everything out and look at them like, all over again. click on it and take a look! its from the most historical ones to the most recent ones. not all though, i'll probably spend like 2 days if i had to scan ALL of them. =x i had a good laugh looking at how everyone changed.
Yunru changed from short hair to longer, and most recently's longest. Delyn's hair changed too. Js's hair and dressing changed. rather drastically. and if i didnt look at these neos, i'd probably never have realised how much that Evil cousin of mine has changed! from a lil toot looking girl to today's full-fledged evil queen. and that Little spot as well. and notice how most of them are taken with Xinyi? HAHA. like back in THOSE days, the neo shops were the ones that made us spend MOST of our money. nowadays we just spend on FOOD. HAHA. =x then there was also my transition from no frindge, to frindge. from long hair, to short. from black hair, to with a green streak, to with a red streak, to most recently's red side. lol. and also, sadly, how its almost never gonna be the same for the 4 of us in that purple polo tee. and how the moomoo has changed too. HAH. i think she'd be quite horrified if she knew i posted this in my blog. LOL. and the neo with the Bean, Pancake and Js. that was fun. like dammit effing great fun. seriously. i'd gladly do it like over and over again. lols. xD and the neo with Tenzing. though i doubt its gonna ever be the same as well. its an experience i guess, how we'd (I'd!) use like any and every excuse to get a neo. hahas. i think when i went out with Xinyi in those days, the most money, AND time was spent in the neoprint shop. HAHA. =x and all the fun getting the guys to take neos! hahahas. i remember how me and fun managed to get Hanyang to go into that dreaded "pink shop" as he called it, to take neos. and how Js and i had to stand outside the shop with the Bean and Pancake for sooo long before they relented, and how me and Ifah were sooo into taking neos, but Ian, Song and Yenkang were so reluctant to. lols.BUT. looking at the neos i also remember how very awkward it was when taking neos with Yingchiu and Matthias. PLEASE, NEVER EVER, drag a good friend of yours to take neos with your boyfriend. ESP. if they dont really know each other very well. T.T lols. butwells, as i said lah. its all about the experience. having said that, i realise how much more it costs nowadays for neos! the other day we took on prine's birthday, it was like 10bucks. remember how it started out at about 4bucks, then rose to about 6-8bucks? tsktsk* LOL. i vaguely remember having taken neos that cost like, 12bucks i think. =/ with Xinyi, of course. lols. but of course, the prices come with better effects and all that stuff lah. ohwells. bahhh* talking about "those days". im like so old. T.T ROARR* cant believe that young punk is already afraid of growing old as well. LOL. i think when i was at that period that shes at now, i was only like, happily looking forward to the end of Os. who cared bout age man. LOL.i went out with the 2 auntys, the 2 young punks and the lil spot today btw. details later. LOADS of photos to upload. lol. again. ohwells. till the next time that i blog lah. today i was so onto the neos. ahhas.toodles.love,jane-back in the days -Labels: reminiscing
Monday, October 08, 2007
see, i never really thought much about gaining a year or two.but after the people around me start turning 20. i begin to wonder.will i be able to take it as easily as they did? (even though it really isn't a doubt that i will HAVE to.) but things will change. will i become like my sister, get a normal 9-5 job, and live my days as they are?i know. i'm only 17. i have 3 more years. but 3 years really aint that far away yo.somehow, i think i wanna stay at being 17. its an awkward age. like, i wanna be 17, but i cant wait for my 18th to come. the crazy year. yea. but i think i prefer 17. HAHA. =x will i be able to live the kind of life that i want to?will i be able to get my desired job?will i change even more drastically as compared to now?will i still be blogging?will i still be studying?will i have graduated and gone on to a uni or somewhere like laselle?its this never ending row of questions that make everything so scary. =/ahwell. i guess i'll have to deal with them when they come along. hah.
i just like scaring myself. =/
Love,jane-Labels: realisations
Thursday, October 04, 2007
its been so long, but it feels just like yesterday when we were still fooling around like crazy people, scolding each other, but having so much fun. but i guess some things lost, just won't come back that easily.
its this sudden realisation of so many things. of how people tend to take things for granted; be it the gatherings i've been talking about for like forever, or being late when meeting up, or just deciding that maybe having people wait for you isn't a big deal, that people won't feel a thing when you turn up late and are unrepentent about it. of how certain things are there to deal with certain situations, and you just take it that its there because its "supposed to be", and not appreciating the things done. of how some things lost, just won't come back. and even if you're able to piece it back, it just won't be the same anymore no matter how well you glue it together. of how time just seems to slip away like sand. of how i sometimes just take things really too seriously. of how i seem to have become more tolerant, but still seem to lose my temper rather easily. of how i think too much at times. of how i seem to have changed again since the last time i told gabriel that i did. of how i can sometimes seem to be such a perfectionist towards some things, but be so indifferent towards some others. or maybe i'm just turning old. =/
I'm not talking about any matter, or anyone in particular, so dont let your imaginations run wild.
i finally caught I now pronounce you Chuck & Larry with guagua today! =D its been SUCH a long time since i last met her. and i like finally passed her her birthday present which has been sitting on my table for more than 6months. hahas. it was nice talking to her. =D much as i like listening, i like talking too. =D and we both had crepe thats not very nice. =/ oh. and i saw miss linyu outside PS. hah. ohoh! and i got a new bag today! xD MUAHAHA. but now i'm so broke. T.T and i've 2 birthday celebs to go for before my pay arrives. T.T BAH*Wendy's dog bit me when i went over to her place last sunday. =( and the president's star challenge really wasn't very spectacular. it was. er. so to say, rather hilarious. =xi went for an audition last friday. i really didn't bother too much about it, cause it just didn't seem like such a big event, or something that i wanted very badly. but after hearing how Chanel did, the jealousy monster just bit me. and over the next few days, i suddenly realised how much more i should've done for the audition and how much i actually cared about getting it. =(ok nvm. i NEED to focus on my exams first. then i'll go for the 10min musical audition, and any other auditions i can find, and prepare myself like crap for them all. =]and i managed to get donuts again this monday! hahas. the queue was so short, mich and i just couldn't really resist such a short queue even though we weren't feeling very much for donuts. hah.andand i got a new phone last sunday. =Drecently i've been watching Miami Ink on channel 16. and i soooo wanna get a tattoo! for my birthday next year. it'll be like sucha cool birthday gift! but mum says only bad people get tattoos and she doesn't want me to get one. x( and pop was suddenly commenting about how people who get tattoos are bound to regret it when they get older, and how disgusting it was, and how only stupid people wanna ink a piece of flesh when the advert for miami ink flashed by. i BET mom prolly told him bout how i wanted a tattoo. FUCKMAN. T.T i want it like sooo badly. i mean, just let me get it! if i regret it, then I will have to learn to live with the consequences! why dont they get it. T.T mom was telling me to tell dum and see what she thinks. i told her, and her only question was, so where you gonna put it? SEE?! T.T this sucks. and as alyssa said, i'm only young ONCE. just let me do it, and I'LL regret it if i really do! and I'LL have to live with it! actions come with consequences and i'm VERY CLEAR about that. so why cant they just let me have it. T.TFor responsibility, it really sucks. Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility has to be taken. It cannot be avoided. Either someone makes a space for it, or we suffer the consequences. And still, adulthood still has its perks. Any issues with sex, and no parents telling you what to do, is pretty damn good. -Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomyi care about my parents, yes i do. but i also care about myself. and im gonna get that tattoo as long as the will to get it's still there. i wont let their disagreeing to it stop me, no i wont. i will get it. when im 18, or 19, 20, 21, 22, 25, or even up till 40. i want it, and i WILL get it. unless i decide i dont want to get it. i really think, that i havent been in the best of moods recently. theres just been so many things. studying, not getting it, the effing gathering, the lack of cash, not being able to get a tattoo, people pissing me off at times, the vacation, the auditions and castings, the people i havent been able to meet etcetcetc. =(theres so many things going on. but what i really need, is just to FOCUS on my studies simply cause i HAVE TO. but what do i do when i cant seem to? what do i really do when it all fails?Love,jane-因为绝望到放弃绝望。Labels: realisations
Monday, October 01, 2007
current mood: black and white, and in need of an escape.GAWD* i just had to type it out in the previous post, and all this fucking comes back. someone PLEASE tell me, why the hell are these friggin' gatherings so fucking hard to organise?! are fucking ppl REALLY so fucking busy that they can't even tell you what the fuck is going on the following week?! what the fuck is wrong with them?! they want gatherings. gatherings. and fucking MORE gatherings. and I, have fucking given up. I know, the deadline's the coming Sunday. but come on, who am I lying to? myself i think. and what kind of replies am i really expecting. and i really feel like laughing at how stupid, how naive i can get, to so happily HOPE, and THINK, that people will actually CARE , actually BOTHER more than i do. because they obviously DON'T.
i really wonder why the fuck i give a damn about it in the first place.
this is the feeling of giving up at it climax.
i finally see some hope, a glimmer of light, with those 2 replies i received. but i think, those hopes were all just dashed as simply as that when the email was opened. i feel like crying but i feel like such a pathetic hopeless thing because they obviously dont fucking care. maybe its just like meiyun said the other time when she was late for lesson, : aiyah, used to it already what." isn't it. I am fucking taking my O levels. i understand that THEY, albeit HAVING THEIR HOLIDAYS, might have work, might have projects to rush. BUT IS IT REALLY SO FUCKING DIFFICULT TO REPLY TO AN EMAIL! IS IT REALLY SO FUCKING HARD TO TELL ME IF THEY WILL BE FREE OR NOT! i feel pathetic. really. why the fuck do i even care. why the fuck should i even give a fucking damn about it. fuck. really. just fuck off. jane.Labels: OBVIOUSLY FED-UP
