FUCK. amaan is coming back again. i swear, i SO DON'T want to teach him. SO badly. but uncle's been rather nice t me, i don't wanna put him in a spot either. FUCKKK!!!! i hate that stupid kid lah. now my sundays are gonna suck thanks to those blackies. 2 in a day. GODDAMMIT FUCK.
x(
very very upset, jane.
edit
last saturday.
all this hustling and bustling around this few days, have left me really rather, breathless. i'm enjoying all this though. especially the times that i'm having with the band. but of all things, school is just getting from bad to worse, i guess. i'm trying. really. trying to fit in. or distant myself. nothing seems to be working though. i hate this shiat that im in. really. everyday i go to school, just to look forward to going home. i go to every lesson, just hoping that i can stay awake. i go through every lecture, just to wake up at the end of the lecture and listen to my classmates droon on about me falling asleep in class. I CAN'T HELP IT DAMMIT! FUCKERS. WHY DON'T YOU TRY CONTROLLING YOURSELF FROM PEEING FOR 2 FUCKING DAYS THEN? i don't know. am i over-reacting? but this, is really getting on my nerves. really badly. being busy is good, keeping myself occupied probably is the only way out now. but i feel so tired. i feel like theres a distance formed between me and the family. i feel like im losing focus. i feel like im losing myself. but while losing myself, i seem to find this warmth and comfort in seeing all these familiar faces. its such a big irony i know, but. i kinda just need someone, something, anyone, anything, to keep me grounded now. to keep me sane. to keep me from exploding. sighhhh.
i miss those days that we used to dance to madonna. i miss those carefree days, of disturbing cockroach, just gossiping with bitch queen, talking to the inventory guys. i miss those days of falling asleep in the office with ebuddy on my computer monitor. i miss those days in school, talking to sj, bullying meiyun, bickering with zhaokai and weisheng. to some extent, i even miss those days of staying up all night, chiong-ing dnt. i miss those days when everything was so spontaneous, not having to plan so much, not having to consult my planner for everything, not having to talk to morons who don't understand the simple system of planning ahead of time. i miss those days we used to take tons of neoprints. i miss those days we could just hang out after school and do nothing else besides loiter around tampines mall. its that bad. yes it is.
i just hope i won't collapse.
on a lighter note, tomorrow's the semis. hopefully we get in. im starting to really blend with the group, starting to love them. i don't want this to end. at least not so soon.
Official Music Video
Official Music Video (US Version)
Acoustic Version
Live, and closest to the version we're doing.
the jitters this time round are not that bad. prolly cause im so overwhelmed. i hope that we do well tomorrow. i hope that we will get through. please.we must.
SOOOO. after a loooonnnnngggg while. FINALLY. the photos. hah.
first up, Tong & Chan 's 18th (s) ! :D
the whole group of us. :D
my darling-est sotong pai. ;D
and thennnn. guess what. i finally went out with that zhutou again. :D and she finally passed me my birthday present. anddddd. there were cookies. that looked seemingly harmless. BUT THE BOTTOMS WERE ALL BLACK. T.T lol. but anyhows, thanks a million. we still have 76 years to go uh. :P
809-ers to watch autoauto! xD the show was awesome. really. pity it was only for a night. guess they don't have that many cars uh. hahas. lovelove the company. :D
then out with tong and tang. :D was.. rather unexciting i must say. :X oh and we went after our match that night. hahahas. happening no? lols. AND. there was another match the next day. hahas. coooool shiatzyxyxz. we should do this more often. LOL. fancy going out after training / match. hah. =x
then it was Eileen's 20th at SIM. this is the group that i usually hang out with. but. there've been changes recently. anyhows. im starting t hate that company there. school brings me no hope in friendship. i just wanna get my degree and get out of that effing place.fast.
mom's birthday and father's day dinner! :D how rare for a family photo. :D
then to watch the evil cousin perform with her band, deleoran at fortcanning. effing hard to find lah that place. T.T thank goodness i have experience from midsummer's. :x
oh that's lil ryan there btw. happily snapping his sister and dancing to the music. much cute. :D
and of course, beehiang & jr accompanied me to watch the perf that night. so after that we went t the airport t send her friend off, and take lots of photos of her and jr. :D
SO. besides being very busy, i've only been. . even busier. :x hurrrr. but ohwells. thank goodness for all the lovelove company. besides, of course, those arseholes who are constantly getting on my nerves.
POINT ASIDE. im in a band now. super random, yes i know. i've joined the band for less than a week. we've only had 2 jamming sessions so far. and my band comp. audition is today. saturday. at suntec, outside engwah. prolly after 4. whoever sees this in time, come down and support lehhh! haha. no wait. maybe not. i think it better for people to not see me fumble. :X im super not confident pls. RAHHH* *bangswallanddies* sighhh. ohwells. the rest of the band are good though, so hopefully it covers up uh. =/ sighhhh.
RAHHHHHH* im SO having pre-stage jitters. pre-perf anxiety. the restless feeeliingggg. ROAR* i SO feel like hyperventilating. its like this adrenaline rush. AHHHHH. it feels so bad to not feel confident. :( i pray. i pray. i pray real hard. please let my performance be flawless. if not, at the very least, let me be able to hit all the right notes.
MTV Version
Live Version
Acoustic Version cool shiatzxyxzyx yo.
RAHHHH* OKAY. i need to breatheeeee. CALM DOWN. *changes topic*
oh for national league with livewire, we're won 2 matches so far! :D lost 1 though. =/ OHWELLS. next match is for monday. hopefully we do well. :D
AHHHHH. all these things with competitions. DAMN. okay i shall stop here before i stress myself crazy.
WISH ME LUCK, PEOPLE.
love,jane- you never call me when you're sober, you only want it cause its over .
SO MANY THINGS TO BLOG, SO LITTLE TIME. goddammit.
1 essay draft assignment 1 camp to be attended that takes up all my free time next week 2 ongoing competitions 2 research topics to research on for camp 2 projects to be completed / started on 3 comms blog's blog posts to be completed and posted 4 piano pieces to be practiced a few hundreds of photos to post
and a bunch full of morons / bimbos who don't understand the concept of PLANNING AHEAD OF TIME to deal with.
i don't wanna study already. can? :(
love,jane- selfishly hated, no wonder you're jaded -
i am so screwed. a free writing, draft, peer review, and final essay to hand in tomorrow. free writing done. (fortunately for me, this was to be done in class.) draft, done. (i was late last week, but at least its done.) peer review, NOT done. (shitshitshitshit.) final essay, NOT done. (damndamndamn. but how the hell am i supposed t get it done when my peer review is not done anyways!)
SOMEBODY SAVE ME.
and 2 matches back to back dammit. i feel like dying. SCREW NS! x(
my fairytale; graphic novels. my fave spot in borders. <3>
the name there thats gonna be replaced ;;
and yes, last thursday was my last day at borders. and i wore a skirt to work. haha. fun shiat. ima gonna miss that place dearly. and all the colleagues. in fact, im missing it already. :( but ohwells. pros and cons eh. and i really can't bear walking over to the graphic novels section now. it must be all messed up. :( sighhhh. yea, as i said. there ARE regrets. butwell. pros and cons, pros and cons. roar.
and i went out with dearest lyn, mich and aish last friday. :D so glad my dearest bitch queen made it in the end. :D
funny shiat. toad, blinky, toad, blinky. xD
love this photo of aish in her own world. hahahas. xD
lovelove! :D
yea. i'll miss them so much now that i won't get t meet them as often. sighhh. but then again, they're gonna quit soon anyways. lol. yea. SO YEA.
random stuff i've been jotting down:
On being happy, because sometimes, the biggest things may not always be what makes us the happiest. Unlike sadness, it is usually the biggest things, like losing a friend, losing someone you love etc. But the smallest things like a message, a little action, would bring about that heart warming feeling, the ends of the mouth just very unknowingly curling up, the whole uplifting feeling.
but somehow, the feelings of sadness just seems to always linger longer than that of a happy feeling. :/
& i think that, the more i get into this course, i kinda can't help but think, is it really the 2 month period that i've been talking about, or is it just that i've formed a barrier around myself? That shield, that layer of protection that has been there very unknowingly, without my knowledge. As angdao said, true colours should be shown right from the start, but then again, results in the buddy-buddy relationship i have at 809. ohwellllls. i suppose being alone's good as well. :)
okay. the others seem abit. personal. so i shall put it elsewhere. :P
on dying. i dunno. suddenly everything is flooding into my mind. its so random i dont even know why its coming. but yea. im suddenly thinking of that period when uncle joo was fighting. so what's worse? knowing that you're gonna die, but fighting for your life anyways, or not knowing? i suppose its better not knowing the outcome eh? more hope that way. but, knowing the outcome beforehand just lets you treasure things more isn't it? then again, should we live in the "live for the day" manner, or not? because i know that if i DO live in that manner, NOTHING will ever get done. i'll not do my assignments, i won't go to school, i'll spend all of my money in 1 day etcetc. because if im gonna be dying the next day, why would i wanna go to school, right? because if i know that im gonna die the next day, why would i need all that money for, right? because if i AM gonna die, why would i need to bother about my assignments, right? but if we don't live by that, and we don't learn to cherish and treasure, we regret when we lose isn't it? sigh. life is such a big irony on its own. its such a mystery, but everyone knows what happens in the end. so where's the mystery in that? okay i should stop this. haha. IRONIES!
sighhh. why can i never find so much to talk about in my comms blog? x( my comms blog is still EMPTY now. when all my classmates have AT LEAST 1 or 2 posts in theirs. DIEEEE.
1 600 word essay to be completed with no ideas at all in mind. 2 group projects to be discussed. 3 blog entries to be posted.
and i am blogging. and surfing youtube. and facebook. and listening to madonna. SHIATXYZXYZ YO.
i miss you, baby. :( i know mugen misses you too. oh mugen is injured. :( but on the verge of recovery already. :) its been more than a month now, baby. i have you with me, even though i honestly don't know where to put you. :/ sigh. mugen's such a big boy now. i would have loved to know if you were a baby boy or baby girl. but its alright. you'll always be my baby. :) hope you're doing great, baby. :) love always, mummy.
lovelove! the song that he sang at the golden horse awards, that shuqi sang. not much comments, both different feel. shuqi was channeling the emotions of the character, while he, just displayed awesome singing. xD
and again. xD rainie yang's song. she SO can NOT compare to him pls. even though this was HER song, HE sang it SO MUCH better than her. lovelove rawks. xD
