Just Dance.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

helloooo. and so im finally back. its been quite some time.
and i've -

- Been chased by fishes
- Gotten my pass
- Tasted great ondeh-ondeh

- Met up with the evil young punks for our "teens only" meeting

- Flown and touched the sky
- Drove a jetski BY MYSELF!
- had orange juice till i got sick of it

-Done lots of improv
- Slept openly in the Esplanade Library
-Learnt that i think i do like doing script analysis

- Got attacked by fishes
- Earned some spare cash for the HK trip
- Finally visited that little white place
- Finally made plans for GMAX!

and thats about it. i think.
so many things, too little time to talk. I will. soon though, not now.
I'm dreading 6.30pm. the whole vicious cycle starts once more. :(

I had 4 major birthday celebrations.
with the family. with my girls. with my skm mates. and with my darling-est e4s.

i enjoyed them all. but more than ever, i am feeling this loss, this.. emptiness, this. sense of loneliness. bah humbug.

just today. i had this sudden surge of emotions gush up to my head.

I MISS YOU, LAUFUN. i don't care if you're free or not when i get to HK, i'll stalk you just to meet you if i have to.

I MISS YOU, OXY. i know its wrong of me to ask and ask for what seems like too much. but really, initiative, woman? i totally agree with what you've said on your blog. maintence. am i asking for too much, really? why is it that action is only taken when i make noise? why is it that things have to take such a bitter turn before you decide its time to make a move? why is it that i place you in such an important place in my life, yet i feel like nothing to you?
i'm sorry if this is asking for too much. but i'd just thought that, our years of friendship actually meant something.

I MISS YOU, FRIEND. i miss our lessons too. :( i met christina at HMV the other day. nothing much, just thought i'd tell you. school's been crazy innit. let's meet up soon. for dessert or something. :D

and of course, GILLIAN TAN! where have you been! updates, woman! its been so long since i last met you. i bet you have tons of new stories now. hahaha. i'll be waitingggg. :p

my birthday celebration with a pinch of salt. :)

you know friend, that, regardless of whether it was the lady boss's initiative, or you people's idea, that very moment, i was so very moved, touched. honest. the only thing lacking was 2 streams of tears. hah. all i've ever asked for in a gathering, was just that. a simple get-together, talking, laughing, throwing the world behind us, and just immersing ourselves into the moment, enjoy each other's company.
it really felt very much like home. like family. :)

love, jane-
Strays. Or so they seem. And yet somehow, the first thought that struck me was, they must long to feel loved to.
So they were not. But what hit me at that very instant remains. If they attack our of self defense, can we really blame them? So only the obedient ones we keep, and the tough, strong ones do not deserve a change? Life is such. Human nature is funny.
And ironic. So how about all those inspiring stories, on determination, strength and will?
I didn't get it then, and i still don't get it.

Labels: i need some skittles., Jane needs money. and a lot of sleep., pictures

Friday, April 10, 2009

I'm scared. So very scared. and no matter how much people like meiyun will scoff at me, i still am freaked out at the very prospect of going into this unknown land.

All the bad omens, thoughts, things that've happened to others, the intuition, and everything else piling up.

I'm suffocating and i'm very nervous that i really will.

-edit-

Dear Jane,

Here is your horoscope for Friday, April 10:
You're not in a great mood today, but you can tell that there's a good reason for it. Just let things happen until the situation becomes clearer -- it may take another day or so. Patience is welcome!

AND NOW THIS!?

i really really don't want this to be my, or OUR swan song. please.

love,jane-

please let me survive this.

Labels: i need some skittles., I'm. NOT. strong. enough

Monday, April 06, 2009

OH FOR GOD'S SAKE. do you NOT see that i am doing something? do you NOT realise that i am TOTALLY UNINTERESTED in continuing that topic, conversation? SERIOUSLY! i have NO interest AT ALL. in what YOU'VE done before. times change and NOW's the present. stop living in your past!

i thank and appreciate your concern, but thankyouverymuch, i can handle myself thanks.

so i didn't go and stalk dakin matthews the other day. sad. :( but ohwells.

oh a sidenote, i realise my posts have all been rather annoying, all ranty and sad and annoyed and depressed. :( I CAN'T REALLY HELP IT YOU KNOW. but sucky things have just been happening to me. sighhhhh.

why do fairytales all remain lies all the time.

OKAY. happy things? I'M GOING TO TIOMAN NEXT WEEKEND. :D for my diving exam! exciting much! hhaha. :D

and so we had our 1st, and only training session today at outram sec's swimming pool. it was rather.. terrifying. :( and i kept floating and not being able to sink. roar. =.=

and according to aunty and mr teo, i think i'm gonna have to wear contacts. sighhh. donch like donch like. :( suckkkkkks.

ohwells. just gotta hope and pray REAL HARD that nothing's gonna happen. sigh.

oh and THE BIRTHDAY's coming SOOOON! like in 3 days! haha. YAYYYYY.

i really don't mind presents or treats you know. haha.

OH AND. if you don't know what to get me you can ask me! haha. i saw a couple of things online that i likeeee. hahahah. :P

sigh. theres work later. :(

okay back to reality. sighhhhhhhh. :(

why can't everyday be a care-bear day?

love,jane-

Its over, its over. Just when we reach this place of the past which still haunts me. How apt.

But why is it that, when the funky music plays, i realise that somethings just can't be changed? The tugging at of heartstrings, feels like its tearing my heart apart, and its fatalistic, murderous, and its killing me, sucking my breath away and suffocating me.

Soul Jazz. Fusion.

Labels: i need some skittles., Jane needs money. and a lot of sleep., photos

Friday, April 03, 2009

Life's fleeting moments.

and i think that if even happy food can't cheer you up, nothing can.

i had awesome mudpie at ehub with the cold one. the chocolate was so awesome. but on my way home, reality sunk in. and things just went awry and out of control.

after all my experiences, i think i can only try and look forward, and hope for the best. because giving my best will only leave me empty, hollow, and wanting more without much success.

work, this mundane horrible thing. i hate you. i hate you for the fact that you're spoiling my birthday. i hate you for making me wake up in the early frikkin' morning. i hate you for wasting my time within those 4 walls. i hate you for making me crack my brains.

but sadly, i need you for the payment i'll get.

it could be fatigue, disappointment, lack of enthusiasm, lack of ideas, irritation, and being upset due to the lack of anticipation and excitment, all balled up into one. :(

so if even happy food can't save me now, tell me what can?

love,jane-

you don't know what you're causing do you?

i don't blame you, but i just. really. hope that it seemed to matter more.

Labels: i need some skittles., Jane needs money. and a lot of sleep., realisations

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Dakin Matthews with the bunch who turned up for the Shakespeare Masterclass.

and i was THIS CLOSE. I WAS THIS. FUCKING. CLOSE. to seeing him in person and getting his autograph personally.

i am utterly upset and disappointed.

on the other hand, i've learnt from hanjie, that their flight is something like 7 or 8am in the morning. which means they've to be at the airport at about.. 5 or 6am?

i swear this is SO stalker-ish, but im seriously contemplating going down. :(

like gilly said, Ethan Hawke was kinda IN MY FACE. and all i could do was ask for Dakin Matthews. :( SIGHHHHHHH.

so, anyone up for 5am at the airport? *hopeful*

love,jane-
this brand of magic, if only i could turn it into something else.

Labels: i need some skittles., I'm. NOT. strong. enough, OBVIOUSLY FED-UP, photos