Just Dance.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

its been so long, but it feels just like yesterday when we were still fooling around like crazy people, scolding each other, but having so much fun. but i guess some things lost, just won't come back that easily.

its this sudden realisation of so many things. of how people tend to take things for granted; be it the gatherings i've been talking about for like forever, or being late when meeting up, or just deciding that maybe having people wait for you isn't a big deal, that people won't feel a thing when you turn up late and are unrepentent about it. of how certain things are there to deal with certain situations, and you just take it that its there because its "supposed to be", and not appreciating the things done. of how some things lost, just won't come back. and even if you're able to piece it back, it just won't be the same anymore no matter how well you glue it together. of how time just seems to slip away like sand.
of how i sometimes just take things really too seriously. of how i seem to have become more tolerant, but still seem to lose my temper rather easily. of how i think too much at times. of how i seem to have changed again since the last time i told gabriel that i did. of how i can sometimes seem to be such a perfectionist towards some things, but be so indifferent towards some others.
or maybe i'm just turning old. =/
I'm not talking about any matter, or anyone in particular, so dont let your imaginations run wild.

i finally caught I now pronounce you Chuck & Larry with guagua today! =D its been SUCH a long time since i last met her. and i like finally passed her her birthday present which has been sitting on my table for more than 6months. hahas. it was nice talking to her. =D much as i like listening, i like talking too. =D and we both had crepe thats not very nice. =/ oh. and i saw miss linyu outside PS. hah. ohoh! and i got a new bag today! xD MUAHAHA. but now i'm so broke. T.T and i've 2 birthday celebs to go for before my pay arrives. T.T BAH*
Wendy's dog bit me when i went over to her place last sunday. =( and the president's star challenge really wasn't very spectacular. it was. er. so to say, rather hilarious. =x

i went for an audition last friday. i really didn't bother too much about it, cause it just didn't seem like such a big event, or something that i wanted very badly. but after hearing how Chanel did, the jealousy monster just bit me. and over the next few days, i suddenly realised how much more i should've done for the audition and how much i actually cared about getting it. =(
ok nvm. i NEED to focus on my exams first. then i'll go for the 10min musical audition, and any other auditions i can find, and prepare myself like crap for them all. =]

and i managed to get donuts again this monday! hahas. the queue was so short, mich and i just couldn't really resist such a short queue even though we weren't feeling very much for donuts. hah.
andand i got a new phone last sunday. =D

recently i've been watching Miami Ink on channel 16. and i soooo wanna get a tattoo! for my birthday next year. it'll be like sucha cool birthday gift! but mum says only bad people get tattoos and she doesn't want me to get one. x( and pop was suddenly commenting about how people who get tattoos are bound to regret it when they get older, and how disgusting it was, and how only stupid people wanna ink a piece of flesh when the advert for miami ink flashed by. i BET mom prolly told him bout how i wanted a tattoo. FUCKMAN. T.T i want it like sooo badly. i mean, just let me get it! if i regret it, then I will have to learn to live with the consequences! why dont they get it. T.T mom was telling me to tell dum and see what she thinks. i told her, and her only question was, so where you gonna put it? SEE?! T.T this sucks. and as alyssa said, i'm only young ONCE. just let me do it, and I'LL regret it if i really do! and I'LL have to live with it! actions come with consequences and i'm VERY CLEAR about that. so why cant they just let me have it. T.T

For responsibility, it really sucks. Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility has to be taken. It cannot be avoided. Either someone makes a space for it, or we suffer the consequences. And still, adulthood still has its perks. Any issues with sex, and no parents telling you what to do, is pretty damn good.
-Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

i care about my parents, yes i do. but i also care about myself. and im gonna get that tattoo as long as the will to get it's still there. i wont let their disagreeing to it stop me, no i wont. i will get it. when im 18, or 19, 20, 21, 22, 25, or even up till 40. i want it, and i WILL get it. unless i decide i dont want to get it.

i really think, that i havent been in the best of moods recently. theres just been so many things. studying, not getting it, the effing gathering, the lack of cash, not being able to get a tattoo, people pissing me off at times, the vacation, the auditions and castings, the people i havent been able to meet etcetcetc. =(
theres so many things going on. but what i really need, is just to FOCUS on my studies simply cause i HAVE TO. but what do i do when i cant seem to? what do i really do when it all fails?

Love,jane-
因为绝望到放弃绝望。

Labels: realisations