Just Dance.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I should be so happy. I had my nails done. :D
I should be so happy. I scored full marks for my CSE quiz. (i failed the previous 2)
I should be so happy. I got to meet up with my dearest girls and chij were all present.
I should be so happy. class ended early today.
I should be so happy. term ends in 2 days.

But why do these feelings all seem so distant even though its only like, 3 hours ago?

I suddenly feel so upset. no idea why.
I suddenly feel so lonely. no idea why.
I suddenly feel so restless. no idea why.
I suddenly feel so exhausted. no idea why.
I suddenly feel so angsty. no idea why.
I suddenly feel so much like crying. i have no idea why.

even after laughing out loud. eating a whole packet of jellies. watching tv. playing games.

these emotions simply refuse to fade away. WHY?
arrgh this is so annoying. :(

in regards to the facebook status of mine currently if anyone is even interested to know, i think i just got so tired of everything. of borders events, of e4 gatherings, of even tiny little meetups with who i thought were the closer ones like charlotte, stef, azi, aisyah etc., of lunch meetings with the young co. lovelies, of tenzing outings, of 6/5 gatherings, and to some extent, even plannings to meet up with one paticular person.
WHY IS IT ALWAYS SO HARD! i told xinyi when she told me she was excited about meeting up with 2e1 04'. i told her, the higher the hopes, the bigger the disappointment.
and its true. i feel that way wholeheartedly.

i'm through with people telling me they would turn up and then don't.
i've had enough of people cancelling on me last minute.
i've suffered enough of the crap and nonsense coming from people not taking their own responsibilities.

and basically, i think i'm just finally tired and beaten.
its not been easy, planning all these gatherings, meetups, outings, all amidst me having school, having work, having so many other activities. today in school yiwen asked me why im always so busy, having things after school all the time.
i think its because i enjoy it. i think its because i feel proud of my friends and i would love to hang out with them all the time. i think its because i love my friends so much i don't really want to be seperated from them for too long periods. i think its because, i love gatherings. and honestly, its ALWAYS, ALWAYS! just talk. no one EVER takes action. so i have to be the one, no?

and i think im starting to realise. those who only ever just talk and never take action, are the smart ones. because they have stupid people like me slogging their guts out preparing and planning everything, cleaning up and making sure everything is set up properly. just so everyone can enjoy their gatherings.

i don't know. i think i've really had enough. i'm through with people not appreciating all the hardwork thats put into every tiny meetup/gathering/outing.
some people like azi see it oh-so-clearly and they're able to save all that effort.
unfortunately im not smart enough.
i've had to learn it the hard way.

oh and btw, aiza's voice is really theraputic.

love,jane-
if i fall, will you catch me and be waiting?

Labels: i need some skittles., I'm. NOT. strong. enough, OBVIOUSLY FED-UP